THE ULTIMATE SIN

MY MANAGER FOUND OUT I WAS TRYING TO TRANSFER TO ANOTHER STORE AND OFFERED ME A BETTER POSITION AT THE STORE...WHICH INCLUDES A DOLLAR RAISE. I AM TEMPTED TO TAKE THE POSITION, BUT MY SPANISH IS NOT VERY GOOD. BUT BOBBY INFORMED ME IT WAS NOT A FACTOR. BUT THE WHOLE REASON I STEPPED DOWN FROM MANAGEMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS BECAUSE I MISSED A LOT OF SCHOOL FOR VIP VISITS AND MEETINGS IN SAN ANTONIO. BUT WITH THIS POSITION I WOULD NOT HAVE TO MISS ANY SCHOOL WHAT SO EVER. SOMETIMES I THINK I AM MONEY DRIVEN. BECAUSE IT IS A DOLLAR RAISE...AND I COULD USE THE MONEY. BUT I REALLY WANT TO FOCUS ON SCHOOL. RUBEN CAME TO THE STORE YESTERDAY. I MISS HIM SOMETIMES...BUT I THINK I ONLY MISS HIM WHEN I SEE HIM. MAYBE I MISS HAVING SOMEONE IN MY LIFE THAT CARES ABOUT ME. HE STAYED TALKING TO ME FOR 45 MINUTES. ALL THESE STRANGE FEELINGS OVERWHELMED MY BODY. IT WAS QUITE STRANGE. I COULD NOT STOP SMILING AS HE TALKED TO ME AND STARED STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES. IT FELT WRONG JUST TALKING TO HIM. I KNOW IT IS WRONG, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE JUST TALKING. BUT I KNEW WHY HE WAS THERE. IT FELT SO RIGHT BEING NEXT TO HIM, AND JUST CATCHING UP ON HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN. I THINK IT FELT WRONG BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF I LET IT. GOD, IF HE WASN'T MARRIED. I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS THREE YEARS AGO. THIS IS WHY I DISTANCE MYSELF FROM HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BUT I AM A STRONGER PERSON, BUT STILL HUMAN. I KNOW IT IS WRONG AND WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN. I THINK MORE THAN ANYTHING, SOMETIMES I MISS THE COMFORT OF ANOTHER. BUT I GET SO BUSY WITH WORK AND SCHOOL I NEVER HAVE TIME TO THINK OF MYSELF. THE ONLY REASON I DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS BECAUSE I WAS AN IMMATURE KID, WHO WAS EMOTIONALLY SCREWED UP BECAUSE OF JJ. BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE. SOMETIMES I THINK IF WE HADN'T BEEN IN THAT CAR ACCIDENT, NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT US AND WHERE WOULD WE BE? WHERE WOULD I BE, AND WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD I BE? BUT EVERY SITUATION IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE, WHETHER IT IS GOOD OR BAD. AND I CERTAINLY KNOW I HAVE LEARNED FROM THAT EXPERIENCE!